mikegrodin (1:22:17 PM): The Golds and Mark Summers were tight
The title of this posting is provided courtesy of Mike Grodin and is in reference to the early 90s when various members of the Gold family were on Nickelodeon at least every two hours if not more frequently...
...and we are referencing the Golds' prior television experience as a part of an open challenge I am making to Tayler Gold to make his next television appearance...
Tayler:
Click HereHint: Slade could take down Nitro any day.
(via the great
Deadspin)
Even Better the Second Time!
Alright - admittedly, I'm lame. But! thanks to the advent of the DVR, I've been watching Dawson's Creek - from the beginning. This show was my guilty pleasure for years, but there was one tiny thing that was missing. I thought I'd seen every episode, but it looks like there were a few I missed in the post-Joey & Dawson pre-Joey & Pacey era. And today's rerun finally filled that little hole. It turns out that they actually
did play Mrs. Potter's Lullaby [arguably one of my favorite songs] over a Joey-themed moment! Yay! Now shut up. I already admitted I was lame.
Behold the Oracle's Wisdom.
Get your
Starbucks Personality Profile here.
Mine's hilarious even though it doesn't actually apply...
Personality type: Pseudo-intellectual
You're liberal and consider yourself to be laid back and open minded. Everyone else just thinks you're clueless. Your friends hate you because you always email them virus warnings and chain letters "just in case it's true." All people who drink tall vanilla with whip chai are potheads.
Also drinks: Sparkling water
Can also be found at: Designer grocery stores
Adam's is awesome...
Personality type: Clueless
You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink tall caramel apple cider are strippers.
Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall
I miss being a kid.
click on the image to see how scary it is to be a kid these days...don't just look at the image of the playground inferno either...take time to look at all the videos on cnn.com...and yes, Rove's video does belong there...
...not sure if the cnn ad on the right is an example of contextual advertising or not.
Another [Unfortunate] Genitalia Post.
Oh my god - what have I done?!
Ted and I went out for an innocent walk this evening and, just as we got down to one of the cute little parks near our house, I heard someone screaming "Teddy! Teddy" from about 1 block behind us. Turns out it was a rather overzealous neighbor yelling Ted's name at the top of her lungs with the hope that we'd turn around and go hang out with she and her dog in her yard. Sounds cute, right? It would be except that I really don't know this woman. She's really nice, though - she's a flight attendant - and her cool dog's name is Bear. When we pass each other on he street, she likes to point out that, together, our dogs make "Teddy Bear."
Whatever - the point of this back story is that Nice Flight Attendant Lady gave Ted lots of treats and yummy things to eat - so nice of her. Then she brings out this long beef-jerky-looking thing called a bully stick, which she says is Bear's favorite thing ever, and tosses it to Ted, letting me know that it's all beef, digestible, blah blah blah, etc. As Ted begins to chew the heck out of it, she laughs and says, "Can you believe our guys love bull penises so much?!" Gulp. "What?" I ask. "Stores actually package and sell bull penises?" Gulp again. To make a long-ish story short, my sweet puppy ate a penis today. And he loved it so much that he smiled for about an hour after he polished it off.
All I can say is: Teddy, if you ever learn English and read this, I am so sorry. You are a good good boy and you trust me to pick your food out for you. You did not deserve to eat a bull peep without being consulted first. In other words, sorry, dude. Sucks to be you. In the future, I'll try my best to keep strangers from inviting you in and giving you anatomical treats without my permission.
Crikey!
Lyle Lyle Crocodile forgot to chew and got a bone thingie stuck in his stomach! Oh no!
Jack, Teddy and I are sitting here smelling Judith's yummy champagne candle and sending our good vibes to she and Lyle, awaiting word on the success of his impending surgery.
If you haven't met Lyle, he is just about the scrappiest champ of a dog ever - so we're sure he, and therefore Judith, will be ok.
4:15 p.m. update: Lyle is out of surgery and A-OK! [Who even says that anymore?] Yay!!! He'll be home lounging about and avoiding the consumption of giant objects tomorrow.
Can You Say Va-jay-jay on a Family Blog?
Adam and I disagree. I answer this question with a yes. Adam, however, thinks the more appropriate term is moneymaker.
And how, you ask, did the topic of anatomical terms on the blog come to be? Well, yesterday, I attended a spinning class. Worst. Idea. Ever. I wanted to quit about 10 seconds into it, but I was too proud to do so. Unimaginable, I know. Other than the obvious sweating and moving that was involved, the absolute worst part of it all was the
bicycle seat. About two seconds into the class and I was a) trying to come up with a reason why a sane person would ever partake of this activity, b) mustering a ton of sympathy for Lance Armstrong, and c) wondering how men can go to spinning classes and still maintain a healthy enough sperm count to reproduce. By minute 3, I'm asking my fellow classmates how the seemingly granite bike seat was not affecting them - to which they responded by showing off their nifty padded shorts and padded seat covers...which leads me to the reason I now think cycling is idiotic: Forget the burn in the quads and the ache of one's back from leaning over the low handlebars -
why on earth does Schwinn even make a bike seat so hard that you have to sit on two layers just to ride one for 45 minutes?I know - who is this person who is attempting exercise and what have you done with Sandy? That's a whole topic in itself. I'm trying to exercise, and that's really about it. But cycling you ask? Well, that was an accident. I tried to go to a jump roping class at the YMCA, but the instructor dude bailed and spinning was getting ready to start next door...so I jumped on a bike and gave it a try. NEVER again. Biking's for suckers.
Waking Up.
By - but usually at - 10 a.m. on weekends, Jack & Ted can no longer contain themselves.
When Adam and I feel ourselves waking up, our first conscious thought is "Stay very still." As soon as Ted sees either of us move in a way that leads him to believe we're not sleeping, that's it. He immediately stands up, wags his whole body furiously, and begins to
make a noise that I can only describe as one made by a half-walrus-half-wookie. What's kind of cool is that you'd think we'd be pissed, but usually we just chuckle at him - it's pretty cute. His
pièce de résistance is the chin on the bed, which kills me every time. As you know, he's a tall guy, so his head is right at mattress level - which means all he has to do is stand close to the bed and his chin automatically rests there, just looking at us. Sometimes, you can hug his head and tell him to go lay down and he will...then there are mornings like this one where Jack joins the party.
Jack Bauer, as you may or may not know, has a few neuroses. He has to "cover" anything he thinks smells funny, for one, which means that he scrapes at the ground to try to bury everything from his food, to Ted's food, to the place where a piece of ice hit the ground last week, to an open container of blueberry yogurt sitting next to me on the desk, to Ted. So, when he's decided any one of these things needs burying, he'll scrape at the bare floor, expecting to kick up dirt, we think, but more likely creating a pile of dust particles and dog hair around said items that were hitherto invisible. On fun days, he'll run upstairs and find a sock - or into the kitchen to find a napkin - with which to cover the offender. This morning, he indulged in his other hobby: slowly and dramatically pushing and/or swatting objects off of high places. It's gotten to the point where the noise made by the slightest nudge of last night's water glass toward the edge of the nightstand immediately opens my eyes. Then, just to aid in Teddy's effort to wake us, he started sliding a coin around on the floor.
At last resort, when they've reached their boiling point, Ted loses self-control and heaves his paws up on the bed. Jack jumps up on the bed and walks across my chest and Adam's ribs. We're awake.
Geek.
So for those of you who still had a doubt, I am officially the nerdiest of all nerds. I have just rediscovered the coolest place ever on the planet - or at least in Alexandria - or at least on Duke Street: the public library. Last time I was there [a couple of years ago] is seemed all icky and cobwebby - not to mention way old fashioned. It may as well have been the east wing of the JCC circa 1987. But today, my friends - well, that has all changed. Granted, it's not as kick-ass as the new Shirlington library looks from the outside - but it now has a huge online catalog and downloadable mp3s available to me online! Joy! Even though I'm still working on Assassination Vacation, I checked out Steve Martin's Shopgirl for a light read. Next up is the Harry Potter series and The Golden Compass - for free! Woo hoo!
Click here to see what I'm reading lately on GoodReads.
Did Gilbert Pull a Mencia?
Looks like Gilbert stole his bit about shark attacks. (from
TrueHoop via
D.C. Sports Bog)
.
I Still Got It.
I went to the new Harris Teeter on Rte. 1 today and so got hit on by a big African American dude in a hair net.
Actually, it was more like a father-in-the-labor-room-at-the-hospital-type shower cap thing. Either way, the guy's name was Marcus and he was a super nice rep from some chicken company, there for the grand opening of the store. It was sort of amazing, too, 'cause I was dressed like I just rolled out of bed, was covered in Ted hair, and looked nasty. He introduced himself, tried to get me to buy chicken, talked to me a two or three times about random stuff, and then went away - returning only after removing the shower cappy thing. He followed me half way down the aisle and then tested the water by saying something like "Looks like you and your boyfriend will be eating well this weekend." I didn't know what to say, so I was just like "Yeah," and then [ran away] made a polite exit.
Whatever - everyone that worked at the store was being extra friendly since the store's only been open for like 2 days - they probably told the male employees and vendors to be extra complimentary to the crumpled-looking women with lots of food in their carts. Maybe Adam's right and I
shouldn't talk to strangers.
Candygram.
If Sandy never posts again, I'm going to turn this into a sports blog. I'm sure our four readers won't mind.
With that I bring you the second sports-related post of the day...courtesy of Mr. Gilbert Arenas, who obviously has never heard of the
Land Shark.
I bring you Mr. Arenas (from his
blog, courtesy of
deadspin.com):
There Are No Such Thing as Shark Attacks
I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.
There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.
I know you’re making a weird face as you’re reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.
We’re humans. We live on land.
Sharks live in water.
So if you’re swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that’s called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.
A shark attack is if you’re chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that’s a shark attack. Now, if you’re chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.
When I see on the news where it’s like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I’m like, “Hey, for real?! They’re just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don’t live underwater.”
A Visual History of the Orlando Magic (Store).
These are before and after pictures of the Orlando Magic "FanAttic" (get it?) store that opened in 1997 and then closed in 1999 and has sat basically empty ever since (apparently some company rented it for office space for a couple years). They are finally knocking it down to widen I-4 (or something like that).
Everyone had an opinion about it ranging from "it looks like a bomb shelter" to "it looks like the world's biggest time capsule" to "why would anyone drive downtown to buy the same overpriced stuff that they sell in their other 12 stores". But I always liked it. I liked seeing the giant logo window every time I drove past on the drive from the airport to my parents' house. Oh well. At least they are building a new arena. Let's hope it stays occupied longer than the FanAttic. [Source:
Orlando Sentinel]
